Control.

If you know me at all, you know I like having control. I don't deny it. God knows it, too. And it seems like He is always teaching me to let go. To trust Him.

It feels as if so much of my recovery is out of my control. I can do my part--no talking. But how my vocal cords react and silly things like if I sleep talk or not are out of my control. Does that bother me, make me stressed out, and make me try to hold tighter to my futile sense of control? Yep. But you know what? I don't have any control at all, really. And honestly, my control sucks compared to the amazing control of God's hands. God is re-teaching me how to let go. He never fails. His plan is perfect.

And when I feel afraid, because I do, I remember that my hope is found in Him. In Christ alone, my hope is found. What heights of love, what depths of peace when fears are stilled, when strivings cease. I'm thankful for that truth.

On another note, I still can't talk for four days. But I heard my voice for the first time since Tuesday. I'm now allowed to hum for 30 seconds every two hours. Simple? It's actually quite challenging. When I thought about it, I was like "Yes, I'm still in there somewhere!" But I remembered that, beautifully, my identity is not in how I express myself or how people interact with me but it is in the fact that I am His and He is mine. God is so good.

My prayer is that I will rest in giving up control and that God will heal me completely. I'm meditating on this verse below and praying for it over my life. I'd love your prayer as well.

"Now my hear is lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord." - Psalm 27:6